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At a Loss

Posted by On Nov 29, 2015 In brony, caring, violence

I hate this blog today.

After last week and the predictably insipid side of the response to it, I’m at a loss for what to say.

I don’t really want to dig further into last week’s nonsense, but nor do I feel like retreading banal old dirt about change being the only constant and how to change it or whatever. (Pro tip: active choices, gang. Choose well.)

So, regrettably, here we go again:

Since last week’s blog (a rant to some, though I never felt it so), I’ve been told:

~to feel differently about it by strangers. (Pro Tip: How you feel about anything is not wrong. It’s just how you feel. Stop victim blaming.)

~by the same strangers that the guy who took the picture feels sorry. (Pro Tip: Dude has never apologized to me. Ergo, he is not very sorry at all. And that’s fine. That’s his cross to bear. See, if you aren’t me, or if you aren’t him, then it seems to me that your opinion is entirely irrelevant to the situation anyway, and you ought to keep it to yourself. Or at least stop victim blaming.)

~that I should have been on my guard. (Pro Tip: We live in a civil society. The only thing I or anyone should ever ‘be on guard’ for is civility. Period. If you can’t be civil, maybe don’t go out? Why should I or anyone have to be constantly prepared for your inadequacies? Stop victim blaming.)

~oh, this one’s my favourite – that my feelings don’t matter because I only voice background ponies. (Really? Ok, Pro Tip: You don’t voice any ponies. By your logic my job as sub-ponies makes me sub-human, therefore your job as not-ponies makes you sub-sub-human. So it’s really more your own opinion you’re saying doesn’t matter than it is mine, but whatever, that’s on you. More victim blaming.)

~that I overreacted. (Pro Tip: I just reacted. Over-reacting would be calling the Brony Army forth to seek and destroy this person, which I did not, and will not do. Or endorsing violence, or quitting the show, or shutting down my Twitter or whatever other dumb ass thing I did not/will not do. Stop Victim Blaming.)

~that I was graceless to have said my peace. (Pro Tip: I could have been far more graceless, I promise. I wanted to be, but it occurred to me that I didn’t want to be uncivil. Stop Victim Blaming)

~essentially that I should just do my job and shut up. (Pro Tip: My job is going to studios and making sounds with my mouth, and my job isn’t to go to conventions or to have shitty pictures taken of me without my permission or have them posted without my permission. So am I only allowed to talk about my job? That’s like 5% of what I do and who I am. Do people really think I actualy am a pony? Stop Victim Blaming.)

~that I’m an SJW. (I had to look this up to find out it doesn’t at all apply to me, but thanks for trying. Pro Tip: Diminishing someone’s feelings however illegitimate you think they are, by tacking a scornful acronym onto them is the internet equivalent of placing your hand over that person’s face while they’re speaking to you and pushing them slowly, rudely to the floor. It’s bullying. And it’s – what’s the phrase here? Oh yeah: victim blaming.)

See what almost everyone has been missing is that it’s not about me. I’ll be fine. What happened was unacceptable, but ultimately minor. I’ll get over it. I’ll still come to cons. You misread me if you were worried I wouldn’t. And you know me quite poorly if you think I wouldn’t let the perpetrator buy me a drink and offer his apology. (Pro Tip: Civility, yo!) It was never about me, neither this week or last: It’s about a society that rallies around the bully and scorns the bullied.

And not just that: It’s also about a society that, whether tacitly or not, concurs that there’s a debate to be had about it, and encourages that debate in the comments. It’s like if you’re five years old and you got sucker punched on the playground and the grown-ups gathered in front of you and argued about whether or not you deserved it, or if your bleeding nose was an overreaction, that your tears lacked grace, that it would be better if you’d just accepted it, you should have said nothing, how you feel doesn’t matter because you’re not in the cool class, how you’re just a child so what you say doesn’t matter, and besides only a few people know who the bully is anyway, and praising them for keeping that a secret. That would be absurd! Any reasonable person can see that it’s not ok you got punched in the first place and that there are consequences for it. Simple as that. No reasonable person believes it should be debated.

Again: this is not about me, or my situation. This is all about the fact that boys are still being raised to consider that rape, power, abuse, violence, and entitlement are all somehow valid. We can’t hide behind these things. They’re pillars of ash. Grown-ups do not hide from feelings, nor acquiesce when bullied, nor lash out with fists and guns when challenged, when their perceived power is threatened. (Pro tip: power is an illusion, and power over someone is not power at all, but a trap wherein you yourself are merely the rat who thinks he has control over the cheese.)

So look: hate me if you like. That’s fine. But don’t take the time to tell me how much you don’t care. One last Pro Tip before I never stoop to talk about this again: commenting about how little you care about those affected by bullying or violence, me included?

That’s caring.

But while you should be caring for your fellow humans, all you can muster is the care to protect your selfish and bankrupt worldview from the destructive power of truth.

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